Think that politics and dating don’t mix? Yes, it’s an unprecedented election year. Political beliefs and emotions are running high, and many people aren’t willing to date across party lines. A recent study by OkCupid found that 50% of their users would NOT date someone with opposing political views.
Let me repeat: Half of their users won’t consider dating across party lines.
When they dug a little deeper however, they found that the words people choose in their profiles were politically charged, which might explain this trend.
OkCupid’s data team analyzed words used on nearly 200,000 profiles, finding that conservatives talk about their religion and the military, using words like Jesus, faith, guns and Marines, whereas liberals talk about the media they consume, specifically The Daily Show, Broad City, NPR, and podcasts, not to mention weed.
When it comes to sex and love, conservatives use words like the “outdoors” and “shooting range,” while liberals prefer “museums,” “yoga” and “crying.”
Seriously? It all sounds like a bad joke. Conservatives are in love with their guns and liberals are crying tree huggers. The stereotypes are true.
But the study actually shows that people are interested in expressing their politics with potential dates, and aren’t afraid to use certain buzzwords to see who responds positively or negatively.
So, people are testing you on dating sites. Are you Republican or Democrat?
It’s strange that we have reached a point in the world where we can’t sit down calmly and discuss important issues, where we have come to a point of politicizing everything. Good vs. evil. Small government vs. big government. Gun rights vs. non-violence. Republican vs. Democrat. Bureaucrat vs. Populist. But are people and their thoughts and opinions really this cut and dry? Are members of one political party assholes while the members of the other political party aren’t?
No. Because you see, when you get to know someone, it’s not quite so black and white. Republicans/ Democrats/ fill in the blank aren’t stupid assholes. They are concerned about the world, like you. They want security, like you. They want to earn more money, and have more opportunities, like you. There are more areas where you can agree, and more room for conversation and less room for blame.
You don’t demonize your friend, do you? Chances are, you talk. And then you listen.
So yes, I think it’s possible to be in a relationship with someone across the aisle, dating across party lines, especially if you agree on the important things and have core values and goals in common. Everyone has a different opinion on how to reach those goals, and that’s okay. But you can’t know someone until you go through the dating process. Which means getting through the first few dates without automatically stereotyping who you think your date is, based on politics.
A friend of mine who is a staunch liberal, and ex-military, is dating another former military member who is conservative. They disagree on many things, but they also have so much in common, and such mutual respect for military families and being of service to others. So while they will cancel out each other’s vote at the polls, they respect and care for each other without letting the politics interfere with their relationship at every turn.
It’s not easy, but talking with each other and reaching across the aisle, especially romantically, is the best way to come to a point of healing, of compassion, of forgiveness in society as a whole. So go ahead and date the Democrat or Republican, even if you aren’t sure. See what they have to say, and how they make you feel, before you dismiss them.
Your goal shouldn’t be to change your date’s mind, or to prove a point, your goal should be to get to know one another past the political profile.
And instead of testing people on your OkCupid profile by using “buzzwords,” try writing a more genuine profile and seeing what happens. If you’re only dating for politics, you are missing out.
XO,
Kelly
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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