I’m excited to announce my very first guest blog post! I asked a few of my favorite male bloggers to list three things that attract them to a woman, along with three things that “repel” them. That is, if they were to approach a woman (at a bar, coffeeshop, whatever), what attracts them in the first place, and what turns them off?
I always had a hard time figuring out what motivates a man to approach and hang around (besides a woman’s “hotness”, but I think there is more going on)…do we send out the wrong signals and not even know it? So, I’m pleased to share with you some expert thoughts on the subject…I knew I’d get some interesting feedback, and they did not disappoint.
Jack from F*cking in Brooklyn, who I love to follow because his honesty leaps off the page.
I’m going to skip the obvious (she’s hot) because there’s nothing superficial millions of years of behavioral programming. The realm of women I find physically attractive is fairly spacious; but finding the combination of qualities that truly attract me in one woman, is rare.
- I’ve always found powerful women irresistible. Kissinger was right; power is the greatest aphrodisiac, and nothing is sexier than a woman who owns (not rents or leases with an option to buy) her personal sense of power.
- Next would be depth. For me this covers intellect, creativity, worldliness, values and emotional maturity.
- Last would be intensity. With a latin base of tensionem, (to stretch, struggle, contest) to me this means our energy will have a natural, (hopefully) sustainable tension, a key to battling eventual boredom.
Repels is a strong word, but three things I have no tolerance for?
- For one, timidity. I come from a family of unusual tenacious women, so weak-willed women make me go all soft in places where a man should be hard.
- Narrow-mindedness is also something I have no taste for. It’s a big world full of ideas, be open to new ones.
- Lastly, I find bigots truly repulsive. Intolerance of race, religion or sexual preference isn’t just unattractive, it’s odious. I’d rather fornicate a Cuisinart.
This is from The Urban Dater, who makes me laugh and reflect at the same time…is that possible?
I am a simpleton, therefore I am a… uh… simpleton? Anyway, I’m a guy of simple tastes, at least I think I am and it doesn’t take much to get my attention. Obviously a woman disrobing in front of me is a great way to get my attention, but let’s face it ladies, you’re not going to pony up and show me the goods right off the bat. That’s okay. I like a challenge.
- Personality and a sense of humor are pretty huge to me and, I imagine, every Tom, Dick and Harriet out there. If a girl can make me laugh that’s really a great start. I also am drawn to women that have a personality that commands attention; you know she’s in a room, hard to ignore, the personality is warm and welcoming. She gets attention without really trying, to me, that’s incredibly sexy.
- I find that I am drawn to women that are creative and artistic; I tend to be a nuts and bolts kind of person, circuit boards and hard drives rule my day. Having a woman that can make sure I’m getting my appropriate dosages of culture is nice. Sometimes these women are easy to spot; there’s a place I go to called the Gypsy Den and I tell you, these creative female types are all over… Though, they kinda look like they walked out of some sort of hippy people loving commune…
- Lastly, I like a woman that knows how to move her body, no, not sexually speaking, I mean, yeah, that’s important, but that’s not what I mean. I like a woman who’s a bit of “action star” she likes to be active, likes dancing, someone who can’t sit still for too long. I’m like this, too, so it only makes sense to find someone who is of a similar cut of cloth in this sense.
- Negativity. Nothing drains me more than a woman who is perpetually negative, with a bad attitude. One of my exes was so keen to rag on her co-workers; it was the bulk of what we’d talk about. She would make fun of these people, if she wasn’t doing that she was worried about how someone wronged her at work… Man, I couldn’t deal. When she would come by, she’d immediately hop into bed and not for any “bounce house” antics either. You don’t realize how much a negative person drains from you until you’ve kicked them to the curb!
- Closed Minded women bother me. They know what they know and really couldn’t care a spit about a differing opinion. I was on a date one time with this gal who was Persian, we were having a great time. Then I told her about a friend of mine who is Iranian and as soon as I said what region she was from; culturally divisive spew erupted from this girl’s mouth. I couldn’t believe it! No common ground could be reached, she was beside herself just denigrating my friend’s regional culture… I couldn’t get over it, our date ended shortly there after. Closed Mindedness and self imposed ignorance are two bad tastes that were never made to go together.
- Lastly, a gal that doesn’t take care of herself. This is partly tied to appearance, truth be told. A woman that doesn’t take good care of herself physically is more prone to be lacking in other areas of her life, too. There’s a lot of fixing up to be done, in some cases. If a woman is fine being out of shape and not taking care of herself and has no other issues, that’s okay, too. However, I want a woman that cares about her well being and physical health as much as I care about my own; it’s as simple as that.
Jeffrey Platts, who I love because he brings his yogic sense of balance and spirituality into his advice. Namaste.
3 things that make me want to approach a woman:
- She is smiling. Nothing is sexier than a woman who feels sufficiently good about herself to smile at the people she’s interacting with, whether it’s her friends, a baby or the waiter. Life is too short to be taken seriously.
- She is enjoying herself. She is putting out an energy that says “I’m here, I’m enjoying the moment.” She is not looking around for someone else to talk to or somewhere “better” to be.
- She has a glow. Hard to describe this, but it’s something you can just feel when you see it. You can tell that she’s connected to her heart and is okay with sharing her love with the world. If a guy approached her and she wasn’t interested, she would be honest, yet have respect and compassion for his courage to come up talk to her.
3 things that would make me think twice about approaching a woman.
- She is drunk. Whether it’s a bar, club or a dinner party, I’m not into a woman who feels the need to get sloshed in order to have a good time or feel confident around guys. The best indicator of whether there is a real connection is when both people are sober and able to connect to each other based on their authentic selves. Meeting while drunk just adds another social mask that will eventually come off anyways.
- Her body language is closed. If her arms are crossed, she’s hunched over, her head is down, or her face is scowling, it’s hardly going to make me want to approach her. If you want to be approached, do your best to appear relaxed, open and inviting.
- She is dressed a little TOO sexy. It’s one thing if she’s showing some skin as part of an overall classy and confident outfit. It’s another if she’s doing it to get obvious attention from guys or as a way to outdo the other women. I dig a woman who knows how to attract with her body, but also her brain and energy.
Fishy from PlentyMoreFishoutofWater, because really, who doesn’t enjoy reading his posts? Small nipples and escaping from dates through bathroom windows aside, he is one intriguing writer:
Biggest turn offs
- Odour - Girls should smell nice. It’s as simple as that. We all have difficult moments but the one thing I can say about my mum, and my one and only long-term girlfriend, is that they a/ never smelt of BO, and b/ never left a stink in the bathroom. I lived with a German girl last year for a while and going in the bathroom after her was like visiting Chernobyl. Seriously.
- Is she, or does she look, bossy? - I once went on a dinner date with a zealous vegetarian called Judith. When I ordered a fillet steak she told the waiter to come back in a few minutes. ”Do you mind having something without meat?” she asked me. ”I beg your pardon?” ”It’s just – I couldn’t stand watching you eat a steak.” ”Er, right – so what should I have then?” ”How about spinach lasagne?” A short while later the waiter returned and I chivalrously changed my order. To a mixed grill. Judith and I spent the next hour in near silence before going our separate ways.
- Too much, or badly applied, make-up - If we can notice it, it’s too much. A natural look will always win the day. And the worst thing is those lines on a girl’s jaw line when she hasn’t applied the foundation properly. I once went on a first date with a girl who had flaky bit of make-up on the bridge of her nose between the eyes. It was like kissing a pasty.
Biggest turn ons
- Talent - No funny anecdotes here. It’s quite simple, talent is sexy. Female comedians do it for me. As do female novelists. And girls who make a good cup of tea.
- Girls who always think of things - I like girls who always make provisions. Girls who carry brollies (because there’s nothing worse than my hair getting wet), girls who keep tissues in their handbag, and girls who remember to remind me about their birthdays (and my mum’s).
- Nice thighs - People ask if you’re a bum man or a boobs man. I’m neither. There’s something incredibly sexy about nice, nut-cracking thighs.
So ladies, I hope this is helpful. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this…