We all crave that feeling – when you meet someone and fall hard and fast in love. You fantasize about the future – first dates, then weekends away, then moving in together, marriage…the works. You never want this feeling to end. You love everyone around you more, including your awful boss.
I don’t mean to be Debbie Downer, but here’s why you should slow down that skip through the tulips.
I know, I’m killing your love buzz. I know what it’s like to wait for some kind of chemistry, to wonder if you’ll ever feel it again – and then BOOM! It happens. It’s only natural you want to leap into a relationship, or at least try. But this is when you should proceed with caution. Not to get all metaphorical, but it’s kind of like taking a turn around a sharp bend at 75 mph, when you really don’t know what’s around the corner and you’re not able to judge the turn accurately.
First off, slowing down doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the ride.
The ride is fun, but it should also be an important part of getting to know someone. Don’t skip straight to the end, where you’re already living together, (at least in your head). What I mean by slowing down is this: don’t overcommit, and refrain from jumping straight into an exclusive relationship. Don’t make plans three months ahead when you’re only on your second date, because you honestly don’t know how you will feel three months from now. A lot can happen in three months. Will you still be attracted? Will she turn into a crazy person? Will he decide that he wants to move to Japan? You don’t know. Try taking it one date at a time in the beginning, instead of planning your future right away. Give your relationship time to marinate first. I mention this in my book, Date Expectations – it’s the most important part of letting a relationship successfully blossom.
It’s also a good idea to keep dating other people, at least in the beginning. Again, this is new, and perhaps the other person isn’t quite so smitten, or maybe they have baggage like an ex that they need to address before progressing to anything serious. You don’t know what other people carry until you get to know them better.
Yes, this could be the One, but even the One has some hang-ups that take time to get to know.
So don’t rush love. It’s hard enough to keep a relationship going with someone you have formed a firm foundation with. When you are rushing into a relationship, you are at first getting the very best of that person. Over time, you start to see the problems and flaws more clearly – and yours will come out, too. But the flip side is this: the more you slow down and enjoy the process of getting to know someone, the more you can appreciate the journey, the nuances of his/ her personality, the sweetness of the ups and downs. There is something magical about the ride, so try to enjoy it day by day. Let it progress on its own without trying to force everything to happen on your timetable.
It’s great to be excited about your new love. But it’s even better to slow down, take one date at a time, and enjoy the slow reveal, the peeling away of each layer. The getting-to-know-you part. It’s worth the wait, I promise.
XO,
Kelly
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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