Does he really love me?

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Screen shot 2014-03-04 at 5.22.27 PMI get a lot of questions from women trying to decipher how their partners feel. They wonder: Am I wasting my time? Can he/ she put more effort into taking care of my needs? Does he really love me? Maybe they want to take the relationship to the next level, but more often they are confused about exactly where they are.

In my opinion, how your partner treats you says everything. His actions are most important, not his words.

Women struggle with justifying the bad behavior of their partners, mostly because some part of us wants to believe the relationship will work.

Maybe he has another Facebook page where he talks and flirts with other women in private, but says to his girlfriend that it’s nothing and she still matters the most. Or maybe he doesn’t call or text when he’s going to be late and just expects her to wait instead of rescheduling. Or maybe he cancels on her at the last minute all the time, or disappears for long stretches as he gets lost in work or whatever else might be going on. Maybe he flirts a little too much with his co-worker or ex girlfriend, refusing to acknowledge how it makes her feel. Maybe he lives with his girlfriend but doesn’t feel motivated to look for a job, and she continues to take care of him. Maybe he doesn’t take care of her sexual needs – only his own.

The bottom line? In all of these cases, the women know something is wrong. They know they aren’t getting their needs met. They don’t have to ask me. They feel that they are being disrespected. That somehow the relationship is unequal – they are the ones making the effort, not their partners.

I know it’s hard to acknowledge when something isn’t working. It’s really hard to let go of something you want so badly. I get it.

But if your partner isn’t respecting you, your time, or your feelings, you have to ask yourself: am I okay with things staying exactly the same for the next five years, or ten years, or twenty? Why am I waiting for someone else to change – to be the person I envision?

Attraction is a wonderful thing. We all want to feel chemistry and fall in love. But sometimes, we want chemistry so badly we’re willing to overlook other important factors in a relationship – the ones that actually build it. Like whether we have the same values, or how we are being treated. Instead, as author and filmmaker Betsy Chasse said to me, we like to tell ourselves stories about our partners because we want them to be true.

My advice to you if you’re wondering how your BF/ GF/ partner/ spouse feels about you? Ask yourself if you like the way he treats you. If he respects you. If his actions are different from his words.

It’s okay to break away from a relationship that isn’t working for you. Listen to your gut. Usually, it knows what you should do before your head and heart do.

 

About Kelly Seal

Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, and sometimes peanut butter. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.

Comments

  1. says

    So true! Why wait on someone to treat you the way you deserve to be treated when you should just find someone who will? So many people sit and wait and turn a 2 year bad relationship into a 4 year bad relationship. Cut your losses short and bail, people!

  2. says

    Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. We know the answer we just try to ignore it sometimes. If someone isn’t treating you like they should then they really aren’t worth keeping around. Great post!

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