Is courage missing when it comes to dating?

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is courage missingI feel like there’s this unspoken acknowledgment when it comes to dating that people don’t really want to step up to the plate. We all kind of collectively shrug our shoulders and say “that’s how it is.” We accept texts to hang out at the last minute or late at night, we go on pseudo-dates where we don’t know if it’s really a date, or we just keep hooking up even if that’s not really what we want.

I’m not referring to commitment issues, but something far more basic. It’s become a real challenge for a lot of people to ask someone out on a date. The idea of approaching a woman and letting her know you’re interested in going out is daunting. The idea of rejection can be almost paralyzing.We’d rather hide behind a mask of ambiguity than clearly state what we want.

Is courage missing when it comes to dating?

I just read about a new “dating” app called Truth where you can basically create a fake username and avatar and message people on your contacts list. You can avoid rejection altogether, because the object of your affection doesn’t have to know if you’re the one sending him little flirtatious texts. You can just send them incognito. It’s a whole new level of dating without really dating. Truth lets us all hide behind our masks.

It also means you can say whatever you want to whoever you want without having to admit what you did.

Truth’s co-founders say they created the app for flirting and “fun.” But what about the potential to do real harm anonymously? There are people who – like Internet trolls – go scrolling through their lists, taunting unsuspecting contacts without anyone knowing who they are. What if you are a high school student who uses it to bully classmates or harass your peers?

I’m just kind of done with all of this hiding. It’s important in life to have courage. To take chances even if things don’t work out. Courage helps you say what you want to say, even if it means you will be rejected. When you are face to face with someone, you can’t really pretend it’s someone else talking. It’s all you. And that’s scary. But it is also empowering.

I’m a fan of apps. They are convenient. They are fun. And most are free. But really investors, are these anonymous “dating” apps a good idea? Just what are we trying to say?

Love is not for the weak of heart. It is not for those who sit on the sidelines and avoid risks. It is for those who are willing to put themselves out there, to be courageous – and most importantly – be vulnerable.

Show me an anonymous app that can do that.

About Kelly Seal

Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, and sometimes peanut butter. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.

Comments

  1. says

    I completely agree! Why are we so scared to be ourselves? As I’ve gotten older I personally have gotten much more comfortable standing up for what I want, and who I am. But it isn’t easy…I have a lot of friends who suffer from a lack of confidence, and I try to encourage them by saying, “just put yourself out there and take a risk.” It’s hard in a dating world where it seems like they can always find someone else…but in the end we have to remember that if the person doesn’t want us for who we are, they’re not worth the time anyway. So, bottom line: be empowered! Put up a Post-It on your mirror to remind you: You Are Awesome…because you are!

  2. says

    Thanks Meena, I agree. As we get older we are less afraid to stand up for ourselves and ask for what we want. It figures these kinds of apps are popular mostly with teenagers – the most vulnerable age group. I’m glad this app wasn’t around when I was 15. Ha!!

  3. says

    I agree too – if you’re not willing to take a risk and put yourself out there, you’ll never reap the rewards. Yes, dating is scary. But it’s scary for everyone. And sometime, those nerves are half the fun! There’s no other feeling quite like going on a really great first date.

  4. says

    Great post! I absolutely agree! People hide behind apps and computer screens and don’t have the balls to get real. I much prefer a guy who has the nerve to walk up and talk to me or call me and ask me out rather than play these silly messaging games with no intention of really meeting. I think online dating and apps are great tools and resources, but I think as a society we have become far too dependent on the instant gratification they provide and have lost the gonads to go out and get what we want!

  5. says

    Preach it, Boston SG! It’s hard to walk up to someone and talk to them, let alone ask them out. But how many people do that now? You will stand out if you take these kinds of risks. You’ll get way more responses than if you message 100 women with a line like “what’s up?” Just saying…

  6. says

    This!!!! This is the problem with dating today! It’s not the casual sex, hook-ups, or apps it’s the people who want more putting up with it! Don’t like casual sex? Don’t do it! Don’t want to “hang-out”? Suggest a place to go! If someone is not meeting your needs…they’re not the one for you, so stop wasting your time. People need to figure out what they want and expect nothing less for themselves. Buck up and get some courage. LOVE IT!

  7. says

    Love ISN’T for the faint of heart! You’re completely right!! Courage IS missing these days when it comes to dating. People hide behind their computers and dating apps. Being brave and putting yourself truly out there will only bring you rewards. Great post!!

  8. says

    I’m currently annoyed by a guy who got my number a few days ago by saying that he’d like to take me out. Now, it’s just lame texting. Just have the courage to ASK ME OUT so we can see if we connect or not. This endless texting crap is for wimps.

  9. says

    Thanks Kat, I agree. Whenever I texted-dated a guy he always fell off the radar. The ones who called were usually more interested IMHO. It’s an easy way to attract someone if you need them, and reject them when you don’t. Have some balls people—ask the person out for a real date!

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