I consider myself a strong woman. And yet still, I like having a man in my life.
Many of us women take a certain amount of pride in the fact that we live life just fine on our own terms. We don’t need a man. We have kick-ass jobs (or at least can afford the rent on our apartment), we join our friends for drinks when we like, we take Pilates when we are feeling the urge, we raise children on our own, we volunteer, and if we’re really lucky, we travel.
Because of our ability to live fabulously single lives, we reject the idea that we “need” a relationship.
Maybe you are thinking about dating a guy, or craving a partnership – but then you might think: “but I don’t want to have to change anything or give up anything for someone else!”
And this begins a cycle of wanting a relationship, but always holding the possibility at arm’s distance. Because being in a relationship might mean giving up your personal space, your routine, your weekend trips with friends, your job that requires a lot of travel.
In other words, you might want a partner, but are resistant to change anything in your life in order to attract one. I get it. After all, we have worked hard for our independence. We don’t want to check in with someone, to plan around a partner’s schedule. We must maintain our position of power. But here’s the thing.
It’s okay to be independent..And still want to be in a relationship.
This is where love gets tricky. The nature of relationships is the balance of that power, that independence, with being vulnerable, nurturing, and selfless. Relationships can be hard because we can’t be fully independent, but that’s also the sweet spot – the vulnerability of two people in love, who depend on each other and are willing to put their hearts on the line.
So how can you pursue a relationship and still maintain your independence? There’s no set rule here. It’s a constant balancing act, I’m not gonna lie. You have to decide where you are willing to compromise, and what will work for you – two unique individuals.
I have found that in the sweet spot of compromise, you can become more relaxed about your days, about not trying to fit everything in. And it feels really good to please your partner from time to time instead of doing everything you want to do.
For example, instead of going to your friend’s concert Thursday night, you attend your boyfriend’s work dinner because it’s important to him. Instead of going to the baseball game with his buddy on Saturday, he goes to your family picnic because that’s important to you. These are small compromises, but when you show a willingness to do for each other, it makes the bigger asks – the bigger sacrifices and adjustments – a little easier to address.
There is something beautiful in the day-to-day life-building with a partner.
It’s a give and take. You are not always in control of your time and schedule and wants and needs. But on the flip side, you also have someone else paying attention your needs, too. A partner who is making sacrifices and compromises because he loves you.
We are all more vulnerable in relationships, but isn’t this where a new kind of strength comes from? Life requires connection, and there is no connection more meaningful than a partnership. A good partnership can help you reveal more of yourself, especially those parts which scare you, to give you an opportunity to address your fears. To grow. To learn to love and accept your weak parts, too.
So yes, it is possible to be a strong woman and still be vulnerable. Love requires both strength and resilience as well as vulnerability and letting go. It is the ultimate courageous act to love someone. So don’t let your desire for independence exclude your desire for partnership. It is possible to have both – as long as you are willing to give in to the ebb and flow – balancing your independence with nurturing your relationship. Both are necessary, and both are rewarding.
XO,
Kelly
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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