Before I start with some long and impossible list, let me first tell you guys – it’s not difficult to attract a woman. Seriously. There actually is no long list of “things you must do to attract a woman.” You think it’s harder than it actually is.
Sure, there are women out there who love romance and great effort – including expensive dinners, trips to exotic beaches, sweet little reminders on a daily basis that you are thinking of her. There are also women who baffle you with their game-playing, showing interest one minute and totally ignoring you the next, just to see how you react.
But most women are realistic. They don’t play games or have ridiculous expectations.
We know that romance can’t continue 24/7 throughout a relationship. At some point, one of you will leave dirty socks on the floor or stay out late drinking with friends and both of you will get upset and/ or annoyed. And women know that game-playing only leads to more feelings of insecurity, doubt and anger – none of which we want.
But I digress. We are talking about attraction. You may find yourself asking the same questions if you’re getting frustrated with the lack of response you get from women – questions like:
- What makes a woman take a second look at you when you’re trying to hit on her?
- What makes her stop and respond to your email message?
- What exactly is she looking for?
Before you start swiping right to every match on your dating app, casting the widest possible net so that your chances of success this Saturday night are better than one in 50 (thanks Tinder), please understand one thing – women want connection. They want to feel heard. They don’t want to be some kind of image you are projecting on them. Whether you’re looking for the woman of your dreams or a quick hook-up doesn’t matter. A woman wants you to see her, not Jennifer Lawrence or some other fantasy you’ve been tossing around in your head.
Instead of looking at her as another number, another face on Tinder, another potential rejection or score, think of her as an individual with her own history, opinions, and interests. Don’t focus on revealing your accomplishments and looking to impress – or paying her compliments about how stunning she looks – or trying to toss off a good one-liner because you think it works. Try a new tactic. Ask her questions about her life, her job, her interests. Then really listen to her answers.
If you want to attract a woman, you have to connect.
Many women refer to that moment of connection as “good chemistry,” but really it’s about whether or not she feels heard, understood, respected. Connection is the way to pique her interest. Do you have a shared passion for good food? Are you interested in the marathon she ran last month? Do you think her taste in music is quirky and cool? Let her know. Show you are paying attention. Good chemistry – at least for a woman – is all about feeling connected. A little spark of interest goes a long way. It will get you that email response. It will get you that smile. It will get you past the initial awkward pick-up line.
How do you attract a woman? Just listen.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Meena Avery (@tweettoimpress) says
What you said about wanting to feel heard is so true! It’s not complicated, but does take effort. Great post!
Single Dating Diva says
You’re so right … material things only take you so far but having a good connection with someone and making them feel special and wanted. Great advice!
Boston Single Girl (@BostnSingleGirl) says
This is so on point! Money can’t buy you attractions, affection or happiness, not long term at least. A guy who truly listens to us and in genuinely interested in us, now that’s hot!
Elli Raine says
Engaging conversation is SO important! It not only means he’s listening to you, but takes an interest and can carry the conversation even farther. It’s one of the most attractive things a man can do. This is where a connection takes place. Great post!