I have a hard time with this question. There are all kinds of dating advice books out there which advocate different sides…some say women should remove their workplace personas of being direct (aggressive) and replace it with a more easy-going, laid-back attitude so a guy’s not intimidated. Others say that men prefer women who are strong and confident—and don’t let them get away with being disrespectful (”Men Marry Bitches” anyone?).
In my experience hosting speed dating events and online dating, I can honestly say that men aren’t that cut and dry. Everyone has his or her own personality and dating history, which affects the type of person he or she is attracted to. What I did notice at my events was that women tended to come in groups with friends (power in numbers?), while men tended to come on their own (usually because they didn’t want to admit to their friends that they were attending a speed dating event). But this could make it difficult to socialize—often the men wouldn’t interact with women before the event. Men didn’t want to approach a group of women, they’d rather approach one on one. Not because a particular woman intimidated them, but because they didn’t want to be judged by a group of whispering friends.
If you are at a bar, speed dating event, or meeting an online date for the first time, my best advice is to be yourself, and reserve judgment of the other person. If a woman comes across as aggressive, she may be covering for the fact that she feels insecure about being single, about dating, or about meeting a new man if she recently broke up with someone. If a man comes across as shy and insecure, he may just need some practice getting his dating muscles up to speed. I’m not saying you have to be attracted or go out with them again, but give them the benefit of the doubt and learn what you can from them…even what you DON’T want in a partner.
What are your thoughts? Is confidence essential for both men and women? Guys, do you prefer strong women or do you find them a bit aggressive?
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Why is this I would have thought women would prefer thoughtful romantic… Dating
I think that men and women both prefer someone that is confident, but arrogance can often be mistaken for confidence early in a relationship. My theory is that this is why both men and women seem to feel that the opposite sex is more attracted to “bad boys or girls” instead of “nice” ones.
We’re actually broadcasting live from a speed dating event tomorrow, so I’ll be curious to see if the “strong” women seem to attract more interest on their mini dates. If you get a chance please stop by our video page, we’ll have real time tweets and chat going along with the mobile video.
Tina, that is great! I’ll have a look—I’m curious to see how they’ll be received too. Thanks for letting me know!
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