Are you afraid you might be in a toxic relationship? When it’s good, it might be really good. But what happens when things are bad and you fear the repercussions from your unhappy partner? I’m pleased to share this truly insightful guest post from writer and recovering addict Trevor McDonald.
One of the most important relationships we will have in our lives is an intimate one. It’s imperative that we never settle for anything less than what we deserve – a healthy relationship. No exceptions! To do that, we need to recognize the signs of a toxic relationship. These signs come from your partner’s actions and words. And honestly, all the negative consequences of them outweigh the benefits.
Does it seem like whatever your partner says doesn’t match their actions?
Have you ever felt “off” about a relationship in any way? Take a step back to reflect on it. If you notice any red flags at all, don’t ignore them.
These are the eight toxic relationships you should avoid.
If a person cannot take care of themselves, they certainly cannot help take care of you or the relationship. People who are prone to behaving like a child have low self-esteem issues, throw tantrums when angry, and feel others are responsible for their well-being. Most of all, a childish adult expects you to always listen when they complain. Independence in both partners is crucial to sustaining a healthy relationship. Your partner needs to stand on their own without you.
The Compulsive Liar
Does it seem like whatever your partner says doesn’t match their actions? If a person lies about what they do outside of the relationship, you can bet they are lying to you, do not care about your emotions or the relationship, and will just trap you in an endless loop of lies. Furthermore, they make you feel guilty if you express your suspicion or outright call them out on it.
If someone possesses an addiction of any kind, you can expect the relationship to be one-sided. They contribute nothing positive and may even use you to get their fix of whatever it is they are addicted to, like alcohol, drugs, and money. It’s worse if they share an addiction with you, which will fuel both of you act destructively.
The Physically Abusive
Under no circumstances should anyone ever lay their hands on you, no matter how heated or emotional an argument becomes. You should NEVER have a partner who degrades to the level of hitting you to prove a point or express their emotions. They make you feel inferior to make themselves feel better. What’s worse is that they can promise to “never do it again” so that you will forgive them and stay in the relationship. Never believe someone who makes that promise, because they will always do it again.
The Permanent Couch Potato
The Permanent Couch Potato is glued to the couch (literally), wasting their days away with distractions such as watching TV and video games. They have no goals or aspirations and leech off your success when you’re kicking ass in the workplace. Don’t be the only one that brings something to the table. This will make you feel more like a parent than a partner!
The Unfair Fighter
Beware of the partner who has to win every argument. This behavior is the basis of many toxic relationships, because people who want to have the last word and emotionally hurt their partner leave no room for their partners to express themselves. They don’t want to understand anyone else’s point of view. This action deteriorates a relationship’s ability to grow and prevents any real communication from happening. Consequently, if you’re in this scenario, you will find yourself attempting to tiptoe around any trigger that might set off your partner or avoid important conversations that will involve speaking about differentiating opinions. No relationship can survive this for the long haul.
The Excuse Maker
Instead of taking responsibility for their actions or mistakes, the Excuse Maker will always find a way to victimize themselves. For example, if they ever hurt you, it’s not their fault – instead, it had to be something you did to make them retaliate in the first place. You can always expect them to blame you for an unfortunate event or to whine about how they are a victim. Lastly, they never develop maturity!
The Serious Bummer
There is value to seeing the glass half-full as opposed to half-empty. If your partner consistently sees the world from a negative perspective, chances are they’re doing it on purpose and feel unsatisfied with their life. If you feel excited about an accomplishment or opportunity that opened up, this partner might tell you that the opportunity could have been better, or that you might be wasting your time and should try to do something different. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. It will drain your happiness and dampen your mood. It will make you wonder constantly about the relationship, and whether your partner is unhappy with you too!
While the relationships mentioned above are undeniably toxic, it’s important to realize that you have just as much responsibility for your words and actions. We’re all human and prone to making mistakes. However, we should never make the people we love inferior to us or manipulate another’s emotions to compensate for our lack of self-esteem and satisfaction with the quality of our lives. Every person should feel happy, safe, and secure with their partner. There is no reason why you should waste any time on a person who genuinely does not care about or have your best interests in mind. Again, you deserve better – don’t ever settle for anything less!
Author bio: Trevor is part of the content marketing team for Coastal Detox and a recovering addict & alcoholic who’s been clean and sober for over 5 years. Since his recovery began, he has enjoyed using his talent for words to help spread treatment resources, addiction awareness, and general health knowledge. In his free time, you can find him working with recovering addicts or outside enjoying about any type of fitness activity imaginable.