I’m a person who likes to feel in control. I like having checklists, knowing what to do in a situation, and feeling like things are falling into place in the timeframe that I want. But this isn’t usually the case.
I finished reading a really amazing memoir by Cheryl Strayed called Wild, about her hike along the Pacific Crest Trail from California to Oregon (it actually goes all the way from Mexico to Canada, but her journey was quite a ways through less than stellar circumstances). She started it in the midst of transition – giving up a drug habit, fresh from a divorce, grieving for her mother, and having no idea what to do with her life or what it should look like. She felt like the hike would heal her – and it did, just not in the way she expected.
She spent a lot of time preparing for the trip, reading books and buying equipment, but she didn’t actually prepare physically – testing out her shoes or her enormous pack. These things became burdens which she had to eventually shed in order to put one foot in front of the other. Literally. She was trapped on the trail – in order to survive, she had to push forward, putting one foot in front of the other, despite her hurt feet, her bruised shoulders, her intense thirst for both water and Snapple.
I think about this a lot now. The idea that no matter where we are, no matter how badly we feel or how much we’ve screwed up, sometimes the only thing left to do is put one foot in front of the other, pushing forward. In a way, it’s like surrender. You are not able to will yourself to go any faster, or change your circumstances. You can only press on from exactly where you are, with only what you have, shedding those things that you no longer need.
It’s a humbling thought, that sometimes this is all we can do. But also – it is enough to know that we can get ourselves there. Even if it’s one step at a time.
I admit, I have sucked at love.
While I’m happily married now, it didn’t come easy. In fact, my friends would often get together and analyze everything I was doing wrong in order to “help” me. Yes, it was as awful and painful as it sounds. I didn’t appreciate the fact that everything seemed to come so easily for many of them. They met their husbands young, they had great careers, they were starting families. Yet I was still trying to keep my head above water at my job and go on a “normal” date instead of another crazy online experience. Not exactly the glamorous single life.
So I understand what it is to struggle. To be lonely. To question what you’re doing or why things are so hard. I really tried with all of my dates, or I liked to think I did. But as I was reflecting recently on my history, I came to a realization. I did actually have an “aha” moment (to quote Oprah). There came a time when I said I would do things differently, and I did. Not because some friend gave me advice. But because it felt right to me. It felt like the path I was taking suddenly became clear.
When I had my “aha” moment it wasn’t any single thing, but rather a change in my process. I did new things that felt foreign to me. I acted and reacted differently. I changed my behavior and hoped that my feelings and thoughts might follow. Eventually, they did.
I’m being vague because I think everyone’s journey in life is unique, and nobody can tell any of us how to proceed forward. But in our hearts, we know when that crazy idea we think about just might work. We know what bad patterns we persist in following and how they sabotage us. Or maybe we see something we didn’t before. We know when we’ve tapped into something real that we should follow, and it’s scary.
So, that’s all I’m saying – we’re all different, and we should stop comparing ourselves to friends or wondering what we’re doing wrong or looking at our timetables and wondering WTF??. We need to start listening to our own voices and keep walking steadily forward down our own unique paths.
I’m a person who likes to feel in control. I like having checklists, knowing what to do in a situation, and feeling like things are falling into place in the timeframe that I want. But this isn’t usually the case.
Lookin’ for love in all the wrong places
April 17, 2012
While I’m happily married now, it didn’t come easy. In fact, my friends would often get together and analyze everything I was doing wrong in order to “help” me. Yes, it was as awful and painful as it sounds. I didn’t appreciate the fact that everything seemed to come so easily for many of them. They met their husbands young, they had great careers, they were starting families. Yet I was still trying to keep my head above water at my job and go on a “normal” date instead of another crazy online experience. Not exactly the glamorous single life.
So I understand what it is to struggle. To be lonely. To question what you’re doing or why things are so hard. I really tried with all of my dates, or I liked to think I did. But as I was reflecting recently on my history, I came to a realization. I did actually have an “aha” moment (to quote Oprah). There came a time when I said I would do things differently, and I did. Not because some friend gave me advice. But because it felt right to me. It felt like the path I was taking suddenly became clear.
When I had my “aha” moment it wasn’t any single thing, but rather a change in my process. I did new things that felt foreign to me. I acted and reacted differently. I changed my behavior and hoped that my feelings and thoughts might follow. Eventually, they did.
I’m being vague because I think everyone’s journey in life is unique, and nobody can tell any of us how to proceed forward. But in our hearts, we know when that crazy idea we think about just might work. We know what bad patterns we persist in following and how they sabotage us. Or maybe we see something we didn’t before. We know when we’ve tapped into something real that we should follow, and it’s scary.
So, that’s all I’m saying – we’re all different, and we should stop comparing ourselves to friends or wondering what we’re doing wrong or looking at our timetables and wondering WTF??. We need to start listening to our own voices and keep walking steadily forward down our own unique paths.
{ 0 comments }