I’ve gone on many online dates that just haven’t worked out, for whatever reason. Maybe there’s no chemistry, maybe there’s no connection, or maybe there’s not enough interest to go out on a second date. Whatever the reason, I’ve always felt that first dates were just a testing ground, to see if there’s any potential for another date. If the guy doesn’t seem interested, I don’t push the issue. I accept that we go our separate ways—no multiple emails and texts, no “just checking in with you” voicemails. (Umm, except for the few guys I really wanted. But that kind of “follow-up” is normal…)
Anyway, I’m still surprised by the people who just can’t seem to accept that someone isn’t interested in them. I was reminded again by a date I heard about recently. The girl went out with a guy from a popular dating website (not a free site btw, in case you’re thinking this was a POF or OkCupid mishap which would make more sense). As it turned out, the date was less than exciting. They ended up splitting the bill and parting ways.
The next day, she decided to bite the bullet and sent him an email, just to make sure he knew she wasn’t interested:
It was nice to meet you last night. However, I didn’t feel any chemistry on our date, and I don’t think it makes sense for us to go out again. Please don’t feel that you did anything wrong – the chemistry’s either there or it isn’t – and take care.
Seems pretty straightforward to me. Sure, if he was interested, it’s disappointing, but at least it’s honest and not misleading, which in my opinion is always worse.
Here’s his reply (edited down for blog purposes, but leaving the context as is):
I agree with you to. I really felt as if you weren’t that interested in me. I wasn’t planning on calling you anyways. Don’t take this the wrong way. But i felt as if i over paid for my dinner. I gave you too much money. All I had was a glass of wine which was $5.00 and a bowl of Soup which was $4.00 Which tax and tip I should of only paid $12.00. But never mind. I lossed money.
I got the impression of yourself that you don’t like to do fun things. When I talk to you about what you like to do you could tell me one thing about them. You had nothing in common with me. Good Luck with you. I already threw your number away last night so don’t worry about me calling you. It was a big waste of time meeting you to begin with. So long!
Also,
I thought it was kind of rude of you to say thats for the dinner when the check came. You assumed that I was going to pay the bill. Then you changed your mind and you said let’s split it. I thought that was a big turn off. Girls think guys should automatically pay the check on the first time meeting thats not how it is with me. I am not a money bag made of moeny. I was very insulted by the way you acted toward me.
Huh.
I’ll just point out that half the email is about how much money he paid, even though they split the bill. He’s not a money bag made of money, you know. I guess it’s possible she ordered the $25 entree special, which doesn’t compare to $5 soup, but then he had his chance to order dessert and a Bailey’s to make up for it. Plus she could have stuck you with the bill, dude.
And I will overlook the grammar and spelling mistakes, considering he already sounds like a 10-year old who got picked last in the dodgeball line-up at school.
Anyway, I’m sure we’ve all felt rejected by online dating, but hopefully most of us have shown some restraint. Reconsider your need to throw a temper-tantrum over email or text, especially when it can get circulated to people like me.
Which brings up another weird thing about this email response…why did he end his letter with a smiley face? Doesn’t that seem a bit out of place? Was it a sarcastic smiley, or was he trying to appear fun and cute? Hmm. Creepy.
My point is this: if your date isn’t interested, accept it and MOVE ON, just to save yourself from being tempted to send emails like these. Otherwise Facebook, email, and Twitter will help your rant get circulated to all the wrong people. Just sayin’.
{ 5 comments }
Removing the toxins from life
July 29, 2010
The plumber delivered the sobering news to me. “Miss, there are different levels of molds. But I would get this checked in case it’s really bad. Sometimes it can spread through the walls within 72 hours. Then you got a problem. You have to knock down the walls.”
So, I called the mold specialist. Yes, it’s a big business apparently. He told me that mold can be airborne. “So don’t turn on the fan or air conditioning until I can see it tomorrow,” he advised.
So, here I am at the nice air-conditioned, hopefully mold-free Starbucks having a chai tea and hoping I’m not dying of some mold-related disease. The flood happened 2 1/2 weeks ago. We’ve had 3 plumbers by, and today was the first day we figured out what the problem was and what to do. Sort of.
Anyway, the mold got me thinking about love. Or rather, our own toxic romantic situations that, left untreated, could spread and potentially do us harm. Like staying in an unhealthy relationship.
We’ve all been there. Sometimes, it seems easier to stay in a bad situation…whether it’s dating someone who is married or taken, someone who treats you with little respect, or someone who is more concerned about himself than anything to do with you. Or worse. It seems better than leaving and being alone again.
We tell ourselves all kinds of excuses so that we can justify these relationships. “He will leave her when…” or “I know he really loves me even though he’s critical”. But as long as we keep making these excuses, we bury ourselves further in denial and further into the toxicity of the relationship. Our love’s problems and issues become our own. They’ve creeped into our lives without us realizing it. We have lost ourselves somewhere in the mix; lost our inner compass that tells us something is wrong. That the relationship isn’t serving who we are, and likely never will.
So, we have to break down the walls to remove the mold. In other words, we have to completely remove ourselves from the situation; walk away and never look back. We have to leave and heal in order for the toxins to leave our bodies, our hearts. Easier said than done sometimes, but necessary to our well-being.
Maybe the mold sitch is a good reminder. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. If you find yourselves making excuses about your partner or relationship and why you’re staying, reconsider. There’s still time to fix the problem before it’s out of control.
In the meantime, here I am at Starbucks keeping my distance, until the mold is removed and I can breathe freely again. That will be something to celebrate.
{ 0 comments }