For those of us in our thirties, dating can be stressful and sucky for the most part…guys and girls post old photos on online dating sites, they lie about age, height, etc. They are harder to meet, unless you go to bars, events, etc. on a regular basis.
Dating can also be thrilling when you meet someone who sparks your interest, where you feel that instant chemistry. Maybe they will call you or text you, maybe they won’t, but the anticipation is worth it. Love seems possible.
After I spoke with some teenagers about love this past weekend though, you’d think it was an endangered species. I was just curious about how they viewed dating. ”Kelly, nobody dates anymore,” they said. Apparently, they just FB each other that they wanna hang sometime in the near future. Then eventually, if they happen to respond to each other’s texts or messages, they might find themselves together in a coffee shop until other friends come by or they can sneak off and “hang out” alone. There is no conversation taking place about whether it’s a date, whether they like each other, or whether it’s gonna happen again.
When I was in high school, dating was something people wanted. Dating someone who was hotter or more popular than you were was the primary goal—you wanted people to know that you were with that person. Unless it was someone less hot than you. Then you just snuck around until you got bored.
Now, there seems to be this status thing with teenagers to be permanently single and go from girl to girl or guy to guy. There is no status enhancement to have a girlfriend or boyfriend…it’s kind of a bad thing.
Since I talked in my last post about the world of dating getting murkier, it kind of scares me that a whole new generation of kids is growing up without any knowledge of falling in love, getting your heart broken, or any of the other rites of passage I had when I was in school. It makes me glad I’m not a teenager, which makes me sound like a grandmother. (By the way, I never walked 10 miles uphill in the snow to get to school…I took a yellow school bus with no seat belts).
Anyway, I still believe in love, and in having relationships. Even with all the hurt that comes with them, they are still so worth it.
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Dear guys: what do you really want?
March 4, 2010
Anyway, I was asking him what he is looking for in a girlfriend or potential partner. He listed all the basics, not much more:
She is hot
She is nice..girl next door type
She is smart and easy to talk to
She has a positive, upbeat demeaner
She is hot
Did I mention he wants her to be hot? Well, he did make a good point about dating in a city like L.A. Here, there are a lot of choices and a lot of model/ actress types, so there are plenty of hot girls. Why settle? So, when he meets one and they go out, if he finds himself looking around for potentially hotter girls, he decides she’s not worth pursuing. It’s an endless game of chase.
I guess my question to the guys out there is…what do you really want, the hot model or the girl next door?
And I guess the follow up would be…if you are primarily meeting girls at bars, you’re likely looking for something different than a girl-next-door nice type. Fun night doesn’t necessarily mean lasting relationship. I’m not dissing the bar scene, I’m simply stating that if you prefer bars and clubs to other ways of meeting dates, you’re likely looking for relationships that don’t have much staying power. He claimed the hot girls don’t go to church functions, so it’s kind of a waste of time. You get my point.
I say, if you want the hot girl, own it. Don’t sugarcoat it for the rest of us. You’re the one who wants to date her.
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